Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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