so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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