apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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