My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize