I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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