Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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