I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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