I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
