I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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