after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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