My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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