College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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