I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that