Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...