Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would fuck him just for his dog