Betty ford says i'm here all night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom