Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.