I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize