Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?