Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
