dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
