so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
