This house was built for laser tag.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
