Pants 0. Shit 1.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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