i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
