I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
