I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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