And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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