I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
