I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
