it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
