I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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