Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
