Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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