if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize