we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
