He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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