i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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