it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
