I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
