Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
