I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
