Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
