Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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