Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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