I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
