You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
