my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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