I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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