just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
