my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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