im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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