Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
