suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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