Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
