I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
