Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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