Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
