the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
