Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
