Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
