i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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