when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
