another moral hangover. fuck.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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