I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
