what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've blown a few things in my day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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