do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
