WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
