you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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